Posted by
Catmman on Saturday, June 20, 2009 11:51:21 AM
Things didn't have to end up this way.
We could have stopped the plague before it got a foothold.
We didn't. Why?
When the first cases popped up in China, what did that one liberal, you know, the one from San Francisco say? At first, she tried to deny what was happening. After a short time however the old playbook of "deny, deny, deny" just wasn't working anymore. I mean, seriously. When the dead are rising from the grave and chowing down on your best friends face, even the easily distracted masses won't stand for such nonsense for too long. So in true liberal fashion what did she do? She blamed the CIA. When the hordes of corpses shambled through Tiananmen Square; when a grainy video popped up on You Tube showing the Chinese Premier end up the main course at a zombie feast, the tanned leather hided Speaker of the House of Representatives actually had the stones to blame the CIA. When the barricades at her San Francisco area bunker fell, I wonder if the deadheads had a hard time chomping through her botox enhanced skin?
The first cities in the east and northeast to fall were, you guessed it, the big cities. New York. Philadelphia. Pittsburgh. Boston. A veritable smorgasbord for the undead. Yeah, you can thank the senior Senator from New York for that one. Of course now we know it's easier to fight them hand to hand. You know - a good machete. Hell, even a crowbar or baseball bat will do in a pinch. But in those early days, guns were what people needed to stop the overwhelming numbers. In the big cities they didn't have them. Of course the ceremony of the signing of the legislation was cool and all, but looking back it was like nailing in the last nail of our coffin. I read a report that after the senior Senator from New York's security detail was taken out, he was dragged away by several zedheads kicking and screaming, crying like a baby, trying to break in the windows of a boarded up gun shop. Irony sure is ironic.
Even that global warming lib, the one who was the vice-President? Yeah, the one who whined like a little weenie when he lost the election years ago? When the first calls for action began trickling in from the country, he actually tried to say there was no controlling legal authority for us to send aid. The guy who had received so much under the table money from Asia was now turning his back on them. Of course he would, he's a liberal after all. He seemed like he would be able to hold out for awhile, what with the huge Tennessee mansion he lived in. But when the grid power failed, the solar cells attached too his house couldn't generate enough juice to keep his huge fence electrified. Chomp.
In an amazing show of liberal vapidity, one of the Senators from California actually demanded her military bodyguard refer to her as Senator. She demanded this right up the the point when the deadheads wrenched her from the arms of an army general who was doing his damndest to protect her. There are reports she was even screaming at the zombies to respect her position and how hard she had worked to attain her position, etc. They say she was screaming this inane stuff right up until the time her head was taken from her shoulders and the corpses began to drink (well, lap) up her blood.
The only bright spot in those early days was at the southern boarder. Had it not been for the newly constructed fencing and the actions of some measly armed, but dedicated folks, the Z hordes from Mexico and Central America would have been more of a trouble than they are now. Remember all that liberal cauterwauling about building the wall? If not for that wall, there would have been no where to put our backs and begin pushing the dead back
Worst of all though was from the president himself. I spent a good many years in the military before the dead took over the earth and one of my first supervisors told me, "Never become paralyzed with indecision." Simple, yet powerful advice. When the outbreak first began, he was sure to be seen telling the people not to panic; that this was a crises, sure, but to trust the government to deal with it. When the masses of undead shambled into Seoul, he did nothing. When the Iranians, the frickin Iranians, tried to fight back, he did nothing. When CNN showed a deadhead munching on a lobbyist for some community activist organization, the president decided it was time to leave Washington, flew to his secret bunker and hasn't been heard from since. Typical.
Around the world, the dead stand atop the food chain. I suppose they do here as well, even in the good old US of A. But we are fighting back. The last deadhead I bagged was wearing a t-shirt with the word "Hope" on it.
I wonder if zombies have any concept of karma?